Let's play Tinder

- This title should be read in a game show host voice -

Tinder: the new way of dating. Or the latest app store game. I was dead set against it. But then we were all laughing over a drink, playing Tinder on a single friend's phone, and I signed up. Yes. Playing Tinder. This is not the real life. Okay for some people it is. For a few, very few, lucky ones. I've only heard of one such person.

The 'problem' with Tinder is that you become very judgy. Okay, I've always been judgy, so much fun. Or let's rather say particular. But on Tinder that is the whole premise. You judge an unfortunate soul, solely on their chosen profile pic, and maybe their little write-up. You don't look at someone's bathroom selfie and think, oh well, maybe he has a great personality. And there's no time for wit, small talk, persuasion. It's one, two, swipe left or right. Mostly left, for nooooo never ew. I've swiped left so many times that I accidentally swiped left on a few that should have gone right, but I was just so used to swiping left that they were gone before I could say, 'oooh, maybe'.

I think I can count the times I've swiped right on my two hands. I've also finished Tinder about 3 times. Yes. Tinder has told me more than once that there is no one new in my area. A radius of 45km. In other words, lower your standards darling, or quit. So I quit.

But not before compiling an entire folder of screen grabs, for the purpose of illustrating why I have had no luck on Tinder, of course. And for entertaining friends at parties. Mostly the entertainment part.

So here are some my reasons for swiping left:
(Disclaimer, if you happen to be one of the okes below, I'm sure there's someone out there for you, but it's not me, or most of my friends. You might want to reconsider your profile pic #justsaying)

Sometimes a profile pic catches your attention, and then you look at the other pics available. And all you find is disappointment. Like this guy. He should really keep the beard.

 photo beards_zps67wg7u2t.png
Ooo yes. Then not so much.

Is it your car or not? Either way, I don't care. Also, are you a car?

 photo cars_1_zpsmm2btat6.png  photo cars_2_zpsoc1svecc.png

Bakgat by die visgat saam met jou dronkgat pelle. Nee dankie.
 photo fish_zpsujpq3fld.png

Gym or bathroom selfies
Well done. But no my boet.
 photo selfies_3_zpsl813ydqb.png  photo selfies_2_zpsxsgrlkmp.png  photo selfies_1_zpsvdmkcujt.png

Is she your girlfriend, wife, sister, hooker? Don't care. Just no.
 photo girls_1_zps3illwstf.png
 photo girls_2_zpskcikf0yz.png

 photo guns_zpss3upum42.png

Like guns. Go away. I hope Oupoot finds you, before you find him.

 photo hunters_zpshmqqprqn.png

Just no
Hard to explain. But just no.

 photo no_1_zpsebjbfm9l.png
Oh the contrasts.
 photo no_4_zps4dr3m54k.png
Wow, gold digging teasing cheating bitch? How about learn to use a comma, and grow up!
 photo no_2_zpsg1to9w6y.png
Interesting fashion choices.
 photo no_3_zpsyzswt1zw.png
Still living the grunge life, I see.

Lucky Packet
Sometimes you come across what is known as a Tinder Lucky Packet. Which one are you?!
Hint: usually the least attractive one

 photo lucky-packet_1_zpswrveijmz.png  photo lucky-packet_2_zpszhjttfws.png

What the actual F? What are you trying to say? You like having fun? Yussie no, but thanks for the LOLs.
 photo wtf_1_zpsq5vkgr59.png
 photo wtf_3_zpsl0g8vynk.png
You wear more make-up than I do!
 photo wtf_4_zps06rjunpj.png
 photo wtf_2_zpstx3bjipf.png
Too much zen. Too much fun. Too much.
 photo wtf_5_zps53hitso8.png
Everyone's an artist.

There's someone for everyone, right?

Note: All these people live and roam within a 45km from where I stay in Joburg. All of them I found on Tinder, no google searches.


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