What's on the box?

Ah television. As essential as toilet paper right? So, just like we did not have DSTV back in SA (we got out fix on weekends at the parents), we don't have Cable here. So it was inevitable that the free channels weren't going to be top notch. But jeepers! Programming here is even crazier than watching anything on SABC1 without subtitles.

TV news in Dayton is like watching the Centurion Rekord being reported by people who was fooled into thinking they are on CNN. Reporters in bright two piece suits report on anything from heavy snow that could cause funeral parlors to close, to stories like these gems:

1. U R Busted.Yes, that was the actual headline for this shocking report. The first arrest has been made in Cincinnati for texting and driving. The law was passed a while ago, but this only the first person to appear in court for this crime. JHB metro police must be so jealous right now.

2. A pizza delivery boy saved a woman's life. Apparently she has ordered a pizza everyday for the last 3 years. When he had no deliveries for her house for 3 straight days he went to check on her. Desperate (for his tip of course) he called 911 and the saved her etc etc.

Fun times with WLWT, WTTW, WTF.

I just have to mention radio too. Guess what, we have all the same stations as good old Gauteng. Yup, we have Jacaranda 94.2, but here it is 92.9 and they play "everything". We have Highveld 94.7, only 94.5fm. It is so close, it even has Ryan Seacrest in the afternoon. Oh wait, it is the exact show that Highveld steams in the evenings.

Our only glimmer of hope was 104.5, the Rock station. Here the DJs use rude words like "crap". The play some good stuff. But mostly the same three Linkin Park, Korn and Skillet songs. I guess it is better than no Rock Station. Come one Joburg, you can do it. Please.

Oh my word. I am so glad I did not leave my Joburg Advertising Career to come work in a local Dayton agency. I could have been making ads for Hidy Ford, Hidy Honda, Hidy Hyundai, Hidy Toyota and many more. Yes dear friends in advertising. Here every crazy, screaming, middle-aged car salesman can have a television ad. And mostly it is to advertise car dealerships. Badly. The only other ads are for food products, I use the term food very loosely, and pharmaceuticals. Ads entice you to get in your big car, stuff your face with grease, and then take drugs when you feel depressed about your life. But wait, there is more. All ads for meds come with the full warning and side effects. So remember, Wellbutrin will make you feel great, but it might cause feelings of suicide and cause death in older patients and teenagers.

I have seen at least two good (national) ads though, which I will share, just to make sure we don't all get the need to take Wellbutin, or Feelbetteraid or something:

Personally I prefer the 30" cut of this Crystler ad. I feel it is more powerful, but anyway. Nike always has a good ad out somewhere, so this one is no surprise. At least it is entertaining to watch.

Lastly, I have recently noticed how often Ohio gets featured in TV sitcoms, either as location or as a joke, or both. For example, the residents of Greek, Glee, 3d Rock from the Sun and The Drew Carry Show all call Ohio their home. Even Saturday Night Live added their 10c worth. Just stick a guy in a Ohio State sweater in a skit and you've got trouble. It really does seem that Ohio is the armpit of America.

More on this in the months to come. We will reflect on this in the end. Who knows what is still to be found in Ohio State.


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